the never ending joke thread...

jetfuel · 07-20-2009, 07:45 PM

.....An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.....

...After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said,

"I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

...."Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!...

... "We've never had a Republican in the family before!"...

sato7 · 07-20-2009, 07:51 PM

that is really good!

sato7 · 07-20-2009, 08:07 PM

Political Correctness Defined
Editor: Following is the winning entry from an annual contest calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term: Political Correctness. And the winner is:
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Orphan-Beggar · 07-20-2009, 08:40 PM

Astronauts run into toilet trouble on space station | NECN
NASA's new space station toilet, is a $19 million commode based on a Russian design.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,520903,00.html
Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air

pmolink · 07-21-2009, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jetfuel

.....An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.....

...After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said,

"I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

...."Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!...

... "We've never had a Republican in the family before!"...

YouTube - Bob Hope on Zombies and Democrats

sato7 · 07-21-2009, 09:16 AM

Bump!!!

babybenz · 07-21-2009, 09:20 AM

This would be great for a certain democratic president

BobDiaz · 07-21-2009, 02:03 PM

Speaking about Bob Hope....

When Bob Hope died, he went to heaven, where Saint Peter gave him the standard tour from the streets of gold to the tree of life. After it was over, Saint Peter asked Bob Hope if he had any questions.

Bob Hope answered, "Just 2 questions; first what do you do all day in heaven?"

Saint Peter answered, "Well, we sit around and remember all the good things that happened on Earth. As for the unfortunate people who went to the other place, they have to sit around and remember all the bad things that happened on Earth."

"Interesting!", said Bob Hope, "My second question is; what are those large round metal structures at the top of the hill?"

Saint Peter replied, "Tanks."

"Tanks?", said Bob Hope

"Yes," said Saint Peter, "Tanks for the memories."

Bob Diaz

fpage77 · 07-21-2009, 05:59 PM

jetfuel walked into a bar ..... he should have ducked.

jetfuel · 07-21-2009, 06:35 PM

...A young farm boy from Montgomery AL moved to Miami FL and went to a huge "everything under one roof department store" looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says , 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Montgomery.'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says, 'Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fishhook.

Then I sold him a medium fishhook.

Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ford Expedition.'

The boss said, 'You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The farm boy said, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's SHOT -- you should go fishing !'