His dizzy aunt ------------------------------------ Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes----------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store --- Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -------------------U Gogh
His magician uncle ---------------------------------Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -------- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ---------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ------------------------ Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -----------------------------Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ---------------Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV------Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!
The Following User Says Thank You to tidbit For This Useful Post:
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" She proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said,
"Well, let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals..''I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that Sh*t.'
Who is Jack Schitt? The lineage is finally revealed! Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation:
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt.
They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The Deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objection, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were still living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe ****t Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens Wedding.
The Schitt-Happens children were Daawg, Byrd, Hoarse and Bull.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", You can correct them!
A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy came into the house with a big smile on his face.
"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!"
His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him". Then she left the room.
The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get the bike.
"That's OK, Dad", said the boy.
"I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my butt is too sore".
You guys are just wrong. That's why I'm taking your quotes out of context now!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Wurgler
"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! he said breathlessly. "Guess what! I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!" The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get the bike."I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my butt is too sore".
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1 - LT N FLFY
2 - Forests ride
3 - Little Blue
4 - Big Red
Nevermind.... 
Today
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