The never ending joke thread...

[forestacademy]

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?














He was buttering up his teacher.

[BigWarpGuy]

A blond was using a 'weed wacker' when she accidentally cut off her cats tail. She grabbed the cat and tail and took it to Walmart since she knew it was the worlds largest re-tail-er. I got it from work.

[tidbit]

Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!

Don't argue with an idiot;
people watching may not be able to tell the difference..

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with
'Guess'
on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the
end, the faster it goes.

[jetfuel]

The Three Stages Of A Man's Life

SINGLE

MARRIED

DIVORCED

jetfuel...

[BigWarpGuy]

The four stages of life; youth, teenage, adult and 'my you are looking good'.

[forestacademy]

Originally Posted by BigWarpGuy

The four stages of life; youth, teenage, adult and 'my you are looking good'.

Often followed by "He looks so natural and peaceful"

[wrumbarger]

Three texans were sitting in a bar and got to jawing about their ranches.
#1 said "I got 10,000 acres and 2,000 head of cattle and I call it the "lazy Q"
#2 says "Well, I got 20,000 acres and 5,000 head and I call it the "Fancy Z"
#3 (small quiet man) just sits there and grins.
So #1 asks "How much land you got?"
#3 says "I got a really nice spread, 30 acres"
#1 and #2 start laughing loudly (the only way texans can laugh?)
"So, what do you call that little piece?"
#3 grins broadly and says. . . .
-
-
-
-
-
-
I call my 30 acres "Downtown Dallas"

[BigWarpGuy]

I was listening to two friends. Friend one asked if friend two would pay him a dollar if he could prove he was elsewhere and not here. Friend two said he would. Friend one asked if he was in Paris. Friend two said no. Friend one asked if he was in London. Friend two said no. Friend one asked if he was in Berlln. Friend two said no. Friend one said he must be some where else; hence, not here. Friend two agreed. Friend one asked for his dollar. Before friend two could pay the dollar, I told friend one that friend two could not since he was elsewhere and not here. I told him that if he could prove he was here, he just proved he was not elsewhere; therefore, friend one owed friend two a dollar. Friend two was happy about that but friend was not so thrilled.

[mvaldes]

I don't recall where this came from, but it's a follow up the ones Jet started:

[jetfuel]

...THAT'S FUNNY...

jetfuel...