The never ending joke thread... - Page 14 - Smart Car of America Forums : Smart Car Forum

BigWarpGuy · 11-23-2009, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by forestacademy

What is the most popular wine at Christmas?

“Can’t we open the presents yet?”

Or hearing them at 2:00 am saying 'but it's Christmas morning'.

BigWarpGuy · 11-24-2009, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by forestacademy

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?

He was buttering up his teacher.

Two cannibles were cooking a clown. One tasted the broth and asks 'Does this clown taste funny to you?'.

One cannible was yelling at the other for having too many cooks in the stew, saying 'too many chefs ruin the soup'.

(IIRC on the exact wording).

forestacademy · 11-24-2009, 04:52 PM

How can you make a slow horse fast?

Stop feeding him!!

Hey, you don't like my jokes, post your own

jetfuel · 11-24-2009, 07:41 PM

...what's the most popular Jewish wine?....

..."I wanna go to Miami....

Mud Pie · 11-24-2009, 08:09 PM

A man sat outside all night trying to figure out how the sun rose every morning without fail for millions of years.

Finally, it dawned on him.

fpage77 · 11-24-2009, 08:13 PM

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor came and informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!
But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso popped out!
The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms popped out!
The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.
By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs popped out.
The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.
The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

mrbadexample · 11-24-2009, 08:59 PM

ok, i got one for you geniuses...

who knows the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?

mrbadexample · 11-24-2009, 09:09 PM

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."