the never ending joke thread...

[jetfuel]

...if I get banned....... blame it on the Mods lack of sense of humor....

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

[Godfather]

And there's a sign at the Indianapolis city limits, "Home of Crock O. Schitt, World Famous Procrastinator" (and he wouldn't lie!!!!!)

[Jeff C.]

Hey jetfuel,
Some really good s**t there!

[forestacademy]

One year, a I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

[jimvw57]

I heard Jack S. is related to Ida, you knw her Ida know, My kide must have been real good friends with her because she was always doing stuff for them.

Who took my car keys???? Ida Know.
Who took my cash?? Ida Know.
Did you get your room cleaned? Ida Know....

[forestacademy]

Last Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.

'My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

[hijinx54]

Two Ladies With Hammers ...

Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

[BigWarpGuy]

Funny and true; a co-worker had the cd drive open and was trying to figure out how to insert the floppy disk into it. I closed the drive and inserted the floppy disk into the floppy disk drive.

[forestacademy]

Originally Posted by BigWarpGuy

Funny and true; a co-worker had the cd drive open and was trying to figure out how to insert the floppy disk into it. I closed the drive and inserted the floppy disk into the floppy disk drive.

Whats a Floppy Disk?





Come to think of it, when was the last time I used a CD?

[Neonspinnazz]

Originally Posted by forestacademy

Whats a Floppy Disk?





Come to think of it, when was the last time I used a CD?

Come to think of it, when was the last time I paid for music?

Google is so fun that it might be illegal!