the never ending joke thread...

[Big Panda]

Originally Posted by Godfather

And there's a sign at the Indianapolis city limits, "Home of Crock O. Schitt, World Famous Procrastinator" (and he wouldn't lie!!!!!)

Of course it was erected 'posthumusly' by one of his little Schitts, as ole Crock never got around to do it himself......

[sato7]

Car Problem

A man's wife came home and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
He asked her what it was, and she told him there was water in the carburetor. Her husband thought for a moment, then said, "You know, I don't mean this offensively, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."
"No," she insisted, "there's definitely water in the carburetor."
"Okay, honey, that's fine," he said. "I'll go take a look... where is it?"
"In the lake," she replied.

[Neonspinnazz]

Nuff' said.

[HGB]

These posting gave us...well mainly me...a good ten minutes of chuckles.

[BigWarpGuy]

There was a lady driving an older Beetle. She pulls to the side of the road after seeing a friend who also drove an older Beetle. The friends' hood was open. When she asked what they problem was, she replied that the engine was missing. Upon hearing this, she replied ''That is okay, there is a spare one in the back of my car".

[AnitaInKC]

A turtle gets mugged by 2 snails. When the police come, they ask the turtle what happened. He says, "I don't know...it all happened so fast."

[forestacademy]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.






She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.







I bought her a scale.

[pmolink]

A guy who is 82 years old and loves to fish, was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me
and I will turn into the most beautiful woman you have never seen."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."

[szmatrs]

Why was the blonde so happy when she finished the jigsaw puzzle?

It only took her 6 months, and the box said 2-4 years.

[BobDiaz]

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'


The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


And that's when the fight started....


Bob Diaz