A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Bob Hill and his wife Betty were vacationing in Europe . They were driving along a deserted highway near Transylvania . It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control and despite Bob's efforts, the car swerves and smashes into a tree..
Moments later Bob shakes his head. Dazed, he looks and sees that Betty is unconscious, her head bleeding severely. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
He carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road and after a short while, he sees a light coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes and a small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts out, "My name is Bob Hill and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident and I need to use your phone.
"We don't have a phone replies the hunchback but, my master is a doctor. Come in and I will summon him!"
Bob brings his wife in and in a copule of minuts an older man comes down the stairs. "I'm Doctor Phremmis, I have not practiced in many years but I will see what I can do. Igor, take them down to the laboratory.
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries and Igor places him on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, the doctor looks worried. Igor and the doctor work feverishly. He applies the paddles, then mouth to mouth all to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
Their deaths greatly upset the doctor. Slowly, he climbs the steps to his conservatory and begins playing his grand piano and soon a stirring, haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, in the lab, as Igor begins tidying up, a movement catches his eye. He turns and, stunned sees Betty's fingers twitching, keeping time to the piano music. Suddenly, Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, Igor dashes up the stairs to the conservatory and bursts in shouting:
"Master, Master ...
the Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
( Sorry... but you really should've seen that coming)
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?
Because it had 'concentrate' on it.
What do you get when you have blondes in the freezer?
frosted flakes.
A lady went to the doctor indicating she was feeling a lot pain. She told the doctor that where ever she touch on her body, it hurt. The doctor asked if she was blonde. She said yes and asked why. He said her finger was broken.
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me are doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
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