the never ending joke thread... - Page 8

jetfuel · 10-21-2009, 07:44 PM

A Farmer in love

A guy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't so presumptuous ,
you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

jetfuel...stop moving...bahhh-bahhh..get over here...bahhh-bahhh

rolly · 10-21-2009, 11:26 PM

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail.
The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

rolly...punishment...punditry...punish...punctuate ...punch...ouch..hee, hee

Big Panda · 10-22-2009, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fpage77

There's nothing down there. I scrolled and scrolled.

It was there when I posted it......maybe the SCOA Police got to it first!

It showed the sign the guy had written: Out of order: Penis stuck

tidbit · 10-23-2009, 03:48 PM

Potatoes:

Well, A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato,
which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the potato
sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam
to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she
went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get
scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other
side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's
Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the
Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home
and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw .

Tom Brokaw ?

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

*
*

OK! Here it is!

*
*
*

A COMMONTATER

fpage77 · 10-23-2009, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tidbit

Potatoes:

Well, A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato,
which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the potato
sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam
to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she
went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get
scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other
side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's
Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the
Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home
and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw .

Tom Brokaw ?

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

*
*

OK! Here it is!

*
*
*

A COMMONTATER

You could have substituted Kim Jong-il and had a completely different tator outcome. I'm not sure if that other tator outcome would have got you banned. Ok, fine I'll say it then dictator.

mvaldes · 11-03-2009, 09:00 AM

rolly · 11-03-2009, 10:14 PM

When a blond dyes her hair brunette it is called: artificial intelligence.

Chris Wurgler · 11-03-2009, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rolly

When a blond dyes her hair brunette it is called: artificial intelligence.

Could be!
I have customers, blond, who color their hair to elevate their position at work. They find their opinions more respected and accepted when their hair is OTHER than blond.

NOT all blond's are dumb, but then we have learned "GOD loves stupid people" for why else would he have created so many.

rolly · 11-04-2009, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Wurgler

Could be!
I have customers, blond, who color their hair to elevate their position at work. They find their opinions more respected and accepted when their hair is OTHER than blond.

NOT all blond's are dumb, but then we have learned "GOD loves stupid people" for why else would he have created so many.

I was born blond, a nice soft straw blond. Then when I grew up my hair turned an very
bark brown. As I got older my sides started to turn grey, but before my hair could turn white I lost most of it...what's up with that?

When an American Native was asked about Daylight Savings Time he answered. " Only a Government bureaucrat would cut the top foot off of a blanket sew it onto the bottom and try to convince us that it was a foot longer."

jetfuel · 11-04-2009, 08:05 PM

A 70 year old man, an 80 year old man, and a 90 year old man are sitting on the porch of the retirement home when the 70 year old pipes up and says..
"I hate getting old, every morning at 7:00 I stand at the toilet for a half hour and finally three little drops come out."
The 80 year old says ...
"That's nothing every morning at 8:00 I sit there for an hour and finally three little rabbitt pellets drop out."
The 90 year old says...
"Oh yeah?? Every morning at 9:00 I take a great big piss and dump a great load".
The two younger guys both look at him and say...
"What the hell is wrong with that???"
He says...
I don't get out of bed till 9:30