Problem solved! I mended something! (mods, con you move this to off-topic or car lounge please?

)
There were two problems
1. Alarm - The previous owner disabled the alarm, when I removed the battery the alarm enabled and started a little pow wow.
2. Battery Connection - The Positive connection was very clean, the negative had some dirt and some other stuff on it.
How they tied together:
When I removed the negative from the battery, the alarm enabled. When I put the negative back on, the car died. This made me think that the immobiliser prevented me from doing something. Somewhere I thought that maybe if the negative terminal was as clean as the positive, it might work. So, I removed the fuse for the horn (#38) so the alarm wouldn't annoy me, cleaned off the terminal, and put it back on.
And lookie here, the car comes back to life!
After it roars back up, I notice that the dash lights are brighter and it doesn't seem like the electrics are taking a load off the battery...I take my mechanic buddy home (has a year in powertrain & brakes) and pull into the garage. As I get out of the car I lock the doors using the door button...crap...there goes that annoying drone of an alarm. I then put my key into the hole, locked all doors (once to right), unlocked all doors (twice to left), and repeated with key #2 and the alarm confirmed and shut off.
And somewhere in between the confusion, I put my new headlamp bulb in!
So, out of 4 hours of frustration I got:
1. A working alarm system (it was disabled before, but now she works!)
2. A new low-beam lamp
3. A more efficient electrical system
4. A little more knowledge about my Kia!
I say I'm a little more than prepared for a smart don'tcha say?