With *thoroughly* detailed instructions from Jefferios (Thanks!), I called Discount Tires (St Paul - University and Hamline). They ordered new Blizzaks for me. After calling them back repeatedly for 2 blasted weeks, they reordered them (apparently UPS lost the shipment of the front tires from a warehouse in Texas... Nick eventually reordered them from Tire Rack and had them overnight FedX'd), I had my tires installed on Monday. That itself was an event, as the mechanics swarmed my car. They were looking for a socket that was small enough... Eventually they went over to NAPA and picked one up so they could appropriately torque the wheels back on... In the process, they didn't relatch the engine cover (they claimed they were looking for the socket in there, MmmHmmm...).
Anyways, it took an hour and $484, but I drove home with the new snow tires installed, and the Conti's in my truck (yes, really, they fit, though I was a bit squished up front). I suspect that Discount Tires will be much faster in the future...
Today I took it out in the midst of the snow in St Paul, where we had about 4". I drove on the median a few times to test them. I was able to break loose a couple times, but that was with some effort. Yea! I'm thrilled.
Thanks for all the advice on the net! I really appreciate it! As do, I'm sure, all the people I won't otherwise slide into this winter...
Now I just need a set of rims, so I don't have to pay that blasted remounting cost each season... Any good leads?