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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
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The Smoke Theory of Electricity

If you have ever owned a british car you will really under stand this
Electrical Theory: The British Interpretation

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known�as "smoke."�

Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak.

British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.

And remember:
"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."�Joseph Lucas "The Prince of Darkness" 1842-1903
A few Lucas-defining quips:
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."�
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
Three-position Lucas switches; there are two types: DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings available: SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
Back in the '70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because Lucas makes refrigerators.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 04:54 PM
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I helped a friend of mine rework an electric system in a "Bug eye" Sprite years ago. WE followed everything to the tee form the wiring diagram and the car as well.....

It smoked three days later...

A side note to OP...Italian cars...."if there are oil spots on the ground under the car it's a good assumption the engine has oil in it". ( I owned two Fiats..I know that all too well)
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 05:07 PM
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Absolutely fantastic! I love it. The British way of thinking. I've learning the lesson about smoke in electrical systems all too well over the years.

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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 05:58 PM
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Oh God! Lucas Electronics! The memories of hitting my '79 Spitfire 1500's starter with a mallet to get it turning, just came flooding back to me.

And the joys of tracking down a rumored "Triumph mechanic"
up in East Rutherford, NJ somehwere.
Only to hike a couple of miles back to his house / garage because the car just died again after he fixed it

But it looked so good and understeered so little.
(not my picture, but the colors, bumper, rims, whitewalls were all identical)
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 07:46 PM
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As the former owner (sufferer) of a '52 MGTD and a '62 Sprite, makes perfect sense to me. Ex had a Jag with Lucas "components," was in the shop more than on the street.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-14-2013, 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Pee-wee German View Post
. . . but the colors, bumper, rims, whitewalls were all identical)
What's not to like? The British answer to Dolly Parton complete with whitewalls . . .
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-10-2018, 05:09 AM
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Surprised no one knows this joke

Why do the British serve warm beer?
Lucas refrigerators.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-10-2018, 05:18 AM
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I will say that after owning many, many British cars in the past from MGAs to Jensen Interceptors, TRs, Jags etc. That I never had one that left me by the roadside. I could always get them to run using a basic tool kit. From filing down points to jury rigging a starter switch and adding some 3-1 to the SU carbs. All without a computer and thousands of dollars worth of parts..... Oh well there was that one time when my 56 MGA decided it didn't need that front passenger wire rim any more !!
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-10-2018, 06:35 AM
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The first 6 months with my Land Rover, well lets just say the tow strap was a semi permanent fixture on the front. The wife always knew when I drove it and was pretty good at towing with a strap....Since I went through most of the wiring, it has been better, just a few extras that don't work right now. Horn, cruise, A/C, off road lights...nothing important...
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