Smart Car of America Forum banner

1 - 20 of 700 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,009 Posts
.....An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.....

...After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said,

"I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

...."Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!...

... "We've never had a [politician] in the family before!"...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
793 Posts
Political Correctness Defined
Editor: Following is the winning entry from an annual contest calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term: Political Correctness. And the winner is:
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
841 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
246 Posts
Backatcha

.....An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.....

...After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said,

"I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

...."Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!...

... "We've never had a [politician] in the family before!"...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,232 Posts
Speaking about Bob Hope....


When Bob Hope died, he went to heaven, where Saint Peter gave him the standard tour from the streets of gold to the tree of life. After it was over, Saint Peter asked Bob Hope if he had any questions.

Bob Hope answered, "Just 2 questions; first what do you do all day in heaven?"

Saint Peter answered, "Well, we sit around and remember all the good things that happened on Earth. As for the unfortunate people who went to the other place, they have to sit around and remember all the bad things that happened on Earth."

"Interesting!", said Bob Hope, "My second question is; what are those large round metal structures at the top of the hill?"

Saint Peter replied, "Tanks."

"Tanks?", said Bob Hope

"Yes," said Saint Peter, "Tanks for the memories."


:rolleyes:


Bob Diaz
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,009 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
...A young farm boy from Montgomery AL moved to Miami FL and went to a huge "everything under one roof department store" looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says , 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Montgomery.'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says, 'Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fishhook.

Then I sold him a medium fishhook.

Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ford Expedition.'

The boss said, 'You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The farm boy said, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's SHOT -- you should go fishing !'
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,244 Posts
ha ha - oh, you all are so funny!

ok, here's my best joke - children love it.


What's brown and sticky?



.
.
.
.
.








wait for it......





.
.
.
.
.








a brown stick. 1poke



No really, that's funny. Try it on a 6 year old. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,009 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Missouri , Florida , West Virginia and Washington DC .
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3 Posts
Political Correctness Defined
Editor: Following is the winning entry from an annual contest calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term: Political Correctness. And the winner is:
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

=))

sarah_9
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
11,309 Posts
There is a less expensive method, called the 'window method' . When you get the urge, just get up, go to the window and slam it down as hard as you can..... that would take care of it.....
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
10,363 Posts
There was a lady that went to the doctor. She told him that no matter where she pressed her finger on her body, it hurt. She wandered why she hurt every where. The doctor asked if she was a natural blond. She said yes and asked why. He said her finger was broken. :)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,744 Posts
Then there was the one about the woman who gave up taking the pill, because her husband bought a condominium...
 
1 - 20 of 700 Posts
Top